Assuming the caregiver role

Here it is, the first chapter of my latest book Escaping Quicksand. I thought it was necessary for the reader to understand that I too have found myself in quicksand and realized there was no rock bottom to hit. Through escaping "the quicksand", I learned the lesson of the unpopular truth that you have to make yourself a priority.

How Did I Get In the Pit of Despair?

I've always been a planner and organized. But the systems I brought into adulthood slowly started to break as the complexity of life increased by adding a spouse, a house, and children. I suppose it was around the time of the 2008 recession that life gave the final push into the pit of despair. My father had fallen which led to a decline in his health and ultimately his passing. My sister and I shared roles to care for him and then settle his estate but it was a lot financially, logistically, and emotionally. On top of that I had become a very negative person that no one really wanted to be around. The more I fought to not sink lower in the quicksand of the pit of despair, the deeper I fell.

Grandma's Car

As I was getting ready to turn 40 I realized that no one was coming to save me. If it was to be it was up to me! I remembered all the inspirational and motivational speakers I'd heard in the back seat of my grandma's car and when I'd been in tow with my mother at events. Some of their one liners started popping into my head. It was at that point that I realized I needed to support myself in the same way I support my family members in their daily lives, with their diet, physical fitness, and education! It was up to me to fix my broken life. We are so busy taking care of everyone else that we get lost in the mix and never get put on the list. The first thing I did was organize my physical spaces and that's when I wrote Organization is a Learnable Skill.

Pampering Is Not Self Care

Yes, a pedicure is nice, but we need to do so much more to take care of ourselves. There's child care and elder care — but when do we get to self-care? It's not selfish. When I realized no one was coming to save me, I was not ready to assume care for myself. My life was a mess, and I remember thinking, "How was this my life?" I had taken care of my family, of course, but something clicked and I knew, "If it was to be, it was up to me." That felt overwhelming because at that point I could only go day by day. I freed up time by quitting my job, and it became my mission to get out of the quicksand.

This book explains how I took care of myself so that I could better take care of everyone else. We all know the cliché truth that on an airplane you have to put on your own air mask before helping a child. It's uncomfortable to focus on yourself — but you must.

If you loved hearing this chapter, then you'll want to preorder your hard copy of Escaping Quicksand because you'll immediately join the book club. I'll be releasing the audio version one week at a time to allow you to process and implement the chapter. There will also be discussion questions for the community to chat about. I look forward to seeing you in the book club!

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