Mental Health and Daily Routines

Erin

[00:00:00]

Introduction and Guest Introduction

Brett: Hey, welcome to Overtired. It’s me, Brett Terpstra. Um, Christina and Jeff are both out this week, but I have Erin Dawson here to fill the void. Hi, Erin. How you doing?

Erin: Hi Brett. I’m well. How are you?

Brett: I’m, I’m, I’m okay. So before, like, for people that haven’t tuned in with an episode with you before, give your, give yourself a brief introduction.

Erin: Hey folks, my name is Erin. I, uh, make art under the name Genital Shame. I’m based in Los Angeles, California, and I used to work with Brett Terpstra.

Siri Mishap and Water Troubles

Erin: I’m doing, I’m doing, uh, you know, that broadcast voice, but I’ve started to. When I’m using CarPlay, I’ve started to speak to Siri in my own Siri kind of as a bit, but I really enjoy doing it.[00:01:00]

Hey Siri, play REM. Oh shit. It just, I shouldn’t have done that. I’m so sorry. That activated mine. Um, oh no. And now my home pods are doing it. Can you hear that?

Brett: I can

Erin: I literally have to turn that off now. I really apologize. Ready?

Brett: we’ll wait.

Erin: Anyways, that’s, this is a shit show. Okay. I’m turning it off. Uh, that’s who I am. I’m someone who activates, um, the, the dingus.

Brett: activates digital assistance. That’s amazing. Um, so update on me. I got water back after four and a half days with no running water. Um, but now I’m showering and washing dishes like a pro.

Erin: Oh my God, I’m so that, that truly sounds horrific.

Brett: It was, you don’t realize exactly how much of your life [00:02:00] revolves around just running water. Um, it’s true of like anything, when your power goes out, when your internet goes out, when your water goes out. We’ve had all of those things happen frequently over the last year. Um, and you, you realize exactly like how handicapped you are without these kind of.

The modern conveniences we take for granted?

Erin: Did your pipes break?

Brett: No, uh, they did freeze. Uh, the solution to the water problem was heat lamps on the well pump. On the on the pipe, the underground pipe that goes from the well pump into the house is about a foot underground, and that’s where the freeze happened. So we had heat lamps on the ground for two days while we were waiting for a plumber to show up.

We just decided to try heating things up and after two days it finally creaked [00:03:00] into life, and then we ran a bunch of water and got it all cleared out. And then you

Erin: have a TLC show. Now you’re

Brett: you know,

Erin: solving Pioneer Living. Uh,

Brett: You know what happened because of that, to flush the toilet while that was happening, we were melting snow on the stove and on the fireplace and dumping it into the toilet.

But when I first started, I didn’t know you could just dump like a gallon and a half of water into the bowl and it would flush. So I was filling the tank up, which takes about twice as much water. And because I was doing that, I was putting a bunch of silt from the snow. Into the tank. So the little, the rim holes around the inside of the rim of the toilet where the water swirls in those filled up with silt.

So once we got running water again, the toilet wouldn’t flush all the way. And I had to go in with a coat hanger and try to clean out all of those holes in the toilet. And I got it [00:04:00] clean and it flushed all the way twice and now it’s. Stuck again because I’m just pushing shit in with the coat hanger. And the silt

Erin: by shit you mean you mean silt.

Brett: silt?

Yes. The, the, the silt is still there and as the water runs it just fills the holes again. And I don’t yet know how to fix that, so that’s gonna be a thing. That’s what I’m doing after this. ’cause, uh, the toilet. It sounds like it flushes all the way, but then you leave and the next person comes in and says, oh my God, why didn’t you flush?

Because you know there’s floaters in the toilet.

Erin: I. Just watched a Todd Salons movie and, and there is a scene in which, um, a character is, is being sort of abused by her family and the abusive family says, we’re laughing with you, not at you. And she [00:05:00] says, but I’m not laughing. You know, and I apologize. I don’t mean to laugh, but that, that sounds truly horrific.

Brett: Yeah, that,

Erin: I mean, the shower alone, I, I don’t know about you. I use showers to process,

Brett: sure.

Erin: you know, showers and walks. That’s where I do it most.

Mental Health and Daily Struggles

Erin: And like I, yeah, I need it to, this is a very 2019 way to frame mental health, which we can pivot to. Um, but I use it to regulate. Do you remember when we used to say, I feel unregulated?

We don’t say that anymore.

Brett: I do remember. That was a while ago.

Erin: Yeah, it’s 2019 to me, but it maybe had a shelf life beyond that. I don’t know.

Brett: Yeah.

Erin: but yeah, I use showers to regulate. So even if you’re kind of like me, I, my heart goes out to you that that is really not just inconvenient, but like bad for your mental health.

Brett: Your quote reminded me [00:06:00] of an and or quote that’s been going around where it, it’s so, uh, I can’t remember who, but someone says, uh, if you’re doing nothing wrong, what do you have to fear? And the response is, I fear your definition of wrong.

Erin: Mm.

Brett: I’m like, yeah, nope, that, uh, that’s very apropos to the current situation in Minnesota.

Um, but yeah, let’s do mental health. Tell me about your mental health.

Erin: Yeah. Uh, I’ve seen better days have been the star of many plays. Do you remember that song, Brett?

Brett: No, I don’t know what you’re talking about.

Erin: All right, cool. Um, I don’t believe in resolutions because I, I went to college, but, but I do believe in the power of January as a moment of. [00:07:00] Intentional reflection and yeah, goal setting, which can be different than resolutions.

And for this January, January, 2026, I put a lot of pressure on myself to sort of remake my physical life, which I hoped would have knock on effects for my mental life. So what’s that mean for me? Every year for the last three or four years, I have done dry January dj, and in the past, the keto diet has worked well for me. So I thought in January that I would, with, with these powers combined, I would become, you know, a superhuman. I’m like 20, 26. I’m getting really, I’m gonna get really hot. And I’m going to [00:08:00] be very critical about the role that alcohol plays in my life. And what had happened was, without getting too much into it, I had a bad first week and it kind of snowballed, reverse snowballs.

How does a snowball, what is it? I don’t know. It just got a lot of your, your, your toilet silt in it. Yeah. And, um, and I had no release valves for dopamine. Um, because on keto you’re not eating bread. You are not having sugar. I wasn’t having any alcohol. Um, also, and, and I’ll, I’ll shut up about this in a second.

I have a foot injury. A right foot injury, something called turf toe, not TERF, but TURF. [00:09:00] Um, it’s basically what happens if you kind of stove your big toe. There’s a in the ball of your foot that’s like a repetitive stress injury. I’m not a p uh, podiatrist, but that’s, that’s my beat. Very basic understanding.

And so what does all this mean? That mean this means that it was like a perfect storm of like. I can’t exercise and I exercise is really, plays a really huge role in my mental health. I am in two different basketball leagues, you know, uh, I take a lot of walks. I’m a runner. Couldn’t do any of that. And I couldn’t have Alfredo and I couldn’t have fornet.

And so no wonder. And in hindsight with therapy, I’m like, yeah, no wonder I, I just didn’t have any release valves, um, for joy. So in the third week I’m like, fuck [00:10:00] it, I am gonna have fries and I’m going to have a tiki drink. And I don’t regret doing that, but I fear. That, and I think, I think you have this too, Brett, the like, puritan guilt, complex guilt for just like not organizing a particular corner of your fridge correctly, just like that level will give me, be like, oh man, I, I really do suck.

Huh. Um, so that scales, you know, that feeling and that complex scales and so it’s easy for me to be like, man, I have no integrity. Huh? I really just. When I got tough, I just, uh, which is also an unhealthy way to think about things, but, um, but I’m, I’m kind of over it now. Uh, but uh, I was pretty disappointed in myself for a while there.

I still kind of am. That’s how I’m doing.

Brett: Wow, that sounds, that sounds pretty rough. [00:11:00]

Physical Health and Exercise Challenges

Brett: I, uh, I don’t, I, so I haven’t had a drink in as long as I can remember. Um, because I have a very short memory. It’s only been a matter of months, but, um, I do, I don’t miss drinking. I miss having that release. Um, and I, my only substitute has been CBD. Which is, you know, doesn’t do jack shit.

Uh, it’s like a mental game for me. Um, have a, I I I’ve switched to drinking CBDT ’cause it’s way cheaper than like CBD carbonated beverages. Um, so for like 50 cents I can have a mug of five milligrams of CBD and pretend I feel okay. Um, that’s. It’s alright. Um, I do, so my release has been consuming [00:12:00] these outshine coconut bars, which.

I find a perfect blend of fatty and salty and sweet and, um, they, as of like two weeks ago, outshine has discontinued them, which had an outsized effect on my mental health.

Erin: Yeah.

Brett: I bought the last three boxes that were at the grocery store, and those lasted a little bit, and then I was down to two bars and I decided, I, I I would ration them.

And night after night, I just looked at those bars, but I wouldn’t, ’cause if I ate one of them, that would mean I only had one left. So it’s easier for me to have two left. So I had two sitting in the fridge, and then yesterday l went to a different grocery store and I said, just on the off chance would you check.

And she came home with seven [00:13:00] boxes, six to a box. So yeah, I, I got, I hugged her. They were not expecting it. I like jumped up, just effusively,

Erin: What do you, I have never had even this affinity for like my favorite meal. What do you like about these bars?

Brett: Oh my God. They just like, I don’t know my, they like dopamine rush, pupil, dilate. Um,

Erin: D filled?

Brett: no, they’re just sugar. It’s sugar and coconut. Sugar and coconut. Dairy free. Gluten-free. Like it’s a, it’s a sugary snack and. Uh, so I’ve been like my, I don’t know what happened. Uh, it somewhat coincided with my last weight gain, but not exactly.

But now I can’t stand up for more than about five minutes. [00:14:00] Um, just like if I empty the dishwasher, the, the act of bending over a few times, I have to sit down and I have to recover for 10 minutes. My back just freezes up and I’ve gone through physical therapy and I have, I like push myself every time it happens.

I like, without injuring myself, I try to push it and try to strengthen and nothing helps, like nothing changes at all. That combined with my dizziness, which is still a thing, means the only exercise I’m getting is like half an hour a day on a recumbent bicycle, um, which gives me leg exercise and a little bit of cardio and not much else, and it doesn’t seem to strengthen my back at all, and it doesn’t seem to help me sleep and I keep doing it because I have that guilt thing.

If I don’t do anything then. I’m a piece of shit. Um, but [00:15:00] man, I, yeah, the coconut bars are like the only, the only way out.

Erin: The

Brett: all I’ve got. I’m working, I’m working on finding something new because seven boxes will last a while, but not forever. It’s still a finite amount. Um,

Erin: of spring, maybe you

Brett: yeah, no way. I eat, I eat a couple a day.

Erin: Oh, okay.

Brett: a once a week treat for me. Um, so, so I, I’m trying to like ration and I’m trying to find an alternative that is more healthy, not less healthy. Um, we’ll see. I’ll keep you posted.

Erin: The guilt thing. I’m gonna, I’m gonna be thinking about the, uh, digital device dingus thing later, there are people for whom, you know, but wait back to the, the treats and living a treat based [00:16:00] lifestyle, which I’m really trying not to do. I’m really trying not to

Brett: reinforcement.

Erin: I think I, this is the second time I’m, I’m bringing up therapy, but I think I, I brought up that I live a treat based lifestyle up to my therapist and she didn’t, doesn’t love that paradigm of thinking.

Um, but it’s kind of all I know. And for me, you know, given this month the treat that I have had before breaking. And now I’m in this habit, and now I’ve, I’m in a trap. I have taken two using, having heavy whipping cream in my coffee each morning. Um, and it’s like adding ice cream to coffee. And so I make my coffee and I have my heavy weapon cream, and I get my little frother that [00:17:00] looks like a vibrator. A very small vibrator, and I do vibrate heavy whipping cream with my coffee in a deli container. And that, unfortunately, I, I’ve tried going back to black coffee, which is my norm. Can’t do it now. I, I really, I’m trapped and unfortunately that is the height, that is the best part of my day.

Brett: Do, do

Erin: coffee.

Brett: I have a suggestion? Um, have you ever tried barista blend oat milk?

Erin: I don’t do oat milk. I’ll just say it.

Brett: Okay.

Erin: Yeah.

Brett: It’s all I do. I, I like for me, whatever milk I’m used to is the milk. That’s good. Um, and like I got used to soy milk and everything else tasted crappy. And I got used to almond milk and then I finally like switched to oat milk, got used to that. And [00:18:00] now every other milk tastes terrible. But once

Erin: Yeah.

Brett: I switched to oat milk, I no longer could like make a good, um, like latte.

And I like, it didn’t, uh, it didn’t foam at all. But then I found Barista Blend from C Calisa Farms, and it’s like a full fat oat

Erin: Oh

Brett: for as much fat as you can get out of oats. And it, it, it fros. You can put it in a steamer and get a nice big frothy latte out of it. Um, but just a suggestion. I can’t do the heavy cream, or I probably would just by lactose intolerance and

Erin: Yeah.

Brett: lactose allergy.

Productivity Tools and Sponsor Message

Erin: We talked about, I’m gonna try to combine two topics right now. We talked about Gude and you also suggested before we started recording that I stop you at a half hour [00:19:00] for the A read. We’re not quite there, but as soon as you said that, I pulled down on my. Menu bar, a little app called Just Timer.

Brett: I love that app.

Erin: Do you

Brett: yes.

Erin: I, I have, I do have not upgraded to the sequel.

Just Timer two, I think it’s

Brett: I haven’t tried that.

Erin: I think I, I think I tr I did a trial

Brett: It’s just such a good idea.

Erin: it’s great. And so. have about nine minutes before you’re requested, but I, I just wanted to, I guess, shout out Jess Heimer because it rules.

Brett: Yeah. No, it’s such, it’s so for anyone who hasn’t used it, it’s just a way to like, it’s almost like pulling a cord. To set a timer, and it’s just this simple, like you reach up to your menu bar and you just pull down and you pull down the amount you want and you let go and you’ve got a [00:20:00] timer running and it’ll remind you in that amount of time

Erin: The main use case I had for that when we worked for the Borg together on the Borg team, was using text expander to, you know, if we had a meeting at three o’clock, I would pull it down for 2 55 and type. MTNG, and that would create a, a string that just says meeting in five exclamation mark. Um, it’s just, it’s just a great time saver and, and keeps you honest and yeah, it’s a great app.

Brett: I, uh, I’ve written a lot of command line utilities, so I can like, just on the command line, I can just type, remind me five minutes and then a string, whatever to do, and it runs in the background and it uses like terminal notifier, whatever’s handy at the time to like pop up a reminder. But I kind of gave that up.

So now I use just timer. And have you seen in your face.

Erin: I don’t know in your [00:21:00] face.

Brett: In your face ties into your calendar. You tell it to go off, say five minutes or one minute, or on the time, and anytime an event happens, it blocks out your screen. Pops up a little dialogue telling you what you’re supposed to be doing at that minute and you have to like say, join call or dismiss.

And, um, ’cause I, I miss notifications all the time. And when we were working for the board, I would just completely miss meetings because I’d get into coding. I wouldn’t notice the little. Things in the corner, I’d be focused on code and I’d look up two hours later and be like, oh God, I gotta text someone.

Sorry I missed the meeting. So in your face stops me from working and like, takes over the screen.

Erin: That

Brett: So those are, that was our gratitude. I’m gonna do a, a quick sponsor read.

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On Aging

Brett: Ugh. [00:24:00] people are, people aren’t gonna know how many edits I put in that. had a rough time with that one.

Erin: Reading’s hard.

Brett: I’m, I’m, I’m working on my two big displays. I have two, like 27 inch high def displays, but I, I’m used, I’ve been working on my couch on my laptop for months now. Um. Like Mark II was written entirely on my couch, not, not at this fancy desk I have. Um, and on this desk everything is about three feet away from my face, and I don’t have the resolution set to deal with the fact that my eyes are slowly turning to shit, so I can barely read what’s on my screen anymore.

I have to like squint and lean in, and.

Vision and Aging

Brett: It is so weird that I, I’m told this is just a normal thing that happens at my age, but when I try [00:25:00] to read small print on something, I can’t see it. But if I lift my glasses up and remove my glasses, everything within a foot of my face is clear as day, and that never used to be the case.

But now I can see way better without my glasses than with my glasses at very close range. Which means when I wear contacts I really can’t see either. They gave me a, a special kind of contact that the eyes are interchangeable. I have different prescriptions in each eye, but it doesn’t matter which. So the contacts are kinda like universal.

I don’t know how it works, but they’re supposed to give you pretty good distance and pretty good closeup while not being especially good at either. And they’re okay. Um, I can’t really, I have to squint to read street signs and I have to squint to read medication bottles and I just spend a lot more time in glasses.

Now.

Erin: This is one of those [00:26:00] moments where I cannot relate, but I am here

Brett: Do you have 2020 vision?

Erin: I believe I do.

Brett: Wow. Must be nice.

Erin: It is nice and I’m gonna own that. Yes, I’m privileged. Ocularly, get off my back about it.

Brett: I, I wasn’t giving a shit. I’m, I’m happy for you. I had 2020 vision up until I was about

Erin: 2020.

Brett: 10.

Erin: Oh

Brett: I got glasses when I was 10. I.

Erin: mm. I bet you

Brett: I guess no, I did not have 2020 vision. ’cause I remember at the age of 10 when I got glasses and realized that from a distance, trees had leaves, um, I was like, oh my God, I’ve been missing out on

Erin: God is real, bro.

Intelligent Design and Evolution Debate

Erin: You know, Christians usually, I don’t know about you, but sometimes I, I grew up [00:27:00] with this idea that like. Intelligence, intelligent design is a thing because take something as incredibly complex as the human eye. Tell me that there wasn’t a designer for that, but also like if you’re over 30, like take something as complex as like the human back. it’s not that they’re not that they’re saying that eyes don’t have quality issued degradation over time. It’s a different argument, but it’s just like also like not everything’s that intelligent. I mean,

Brett: but the other part that I grew up with was that our, we aged and our eyes went bad, and our back went bad because of sin. It was all like a result of the original sin, and according to like Young Earth creationists, like every generations of humans that get farther away from Adam and Eve. Get [00:28:00] are, are in worse health.

They’re, they’re genetically deteriorating, uh,

Erin: they’re genetically sinful.

Brett: Yeah. And it, it is. I don’t know. It took a long time to unlearn a lot of that stuff, but my dad brings

Erin: evil.

Brett: it’s called the watchmaker argument. Um, and my dad brings it up anytime we start talking about evolution, which I generally avoid these days, but he brings up the idea of the, the eye, the human eye.

Erin: They love the human eye.

Brett: I explain to him the, the process of like light sensing cells on amoebas.

Erin: Our skin

Brett: how, and how they developed into maybe a light sensing cell with a water sack, and then that developed into over time a retina. And like it’s not designed. Um, dad, it,

Erin: Oh dad.

Brett: yeah.

Erin: Anyways.

Blogging and Social Media Verification

Erin: Can I talk to you about [00:29:00] blogging?

Brett: Could you please?

Erin: Well, here’s, let me set the table so I not to brag. Became Instagram verified recently. Why?

Brett: Must be nice.

The Cost of Verification

Erin: Yeah,

Brett: More privilege.

Erin: the first, the eyes are now $13 a month. I don’t know, I don’t know how the bank’s, you know, letting me spend all this, but, um, I did it because, as I said at the top, when the REM may have been drowning me out, I don’t know. Um, I make music under the name Genital Shame and. Over time, as my account has grown on that particular platform, I have had other people alert.

I’ve had followers alert me that there’s a new genital shame that just popped up in their feed asking for, Hey, my account was just hacked. [00:30:00] Like, can you help? You know? And I just thought that like for $13 a month, you know

Brett: That’s how they get you.

Erin: That’s fine. Yeah, get me. I’ve, they already, they already got me. Um, unfortunately,

Brett: Zuckerberg that cloned your account.

Erin: I got sucked.

Embracing the Content Game

Erin: So I, so now that I’m verified, I’m, I’m kind of leaning into playing the stupid content game, which is this, which is how, here’s how I think about it. I believe in my art. I believe in what general shame is and I want the maximum amount of people to experience it. The maximum amount of people are in the primary world, which is to say the digital world and the folks with who would resonate with general shame the most are on a platform called Instagram.

So it makes sense [00:31:00] for me to play the game, which is like get the. Aforementioned eyeballs on my stuff. ’cause again, I believe in it. So I’ll do whatever it takes. Inc. Like we live in the world of Caesar. We own to Caesar. What a Caesar, in this case, Zuckerberg is Caesar, whatever. So one of my January projects, you know the, the Capital G.

Capital M, good month that I was supposed to have was to block out some ugh content. To record some videos, right? Some reels of me playing Bach, of me playing, um, my favorite carcass riff or whatever. And so I found myself writing little essays about each of these things. You know, for the Bach one, there’s, I started writing about how, you know, I don’t believe in God anymore really, but [00:32:00] if I was to cite one thing that gets me.

Close to it, it would be Bach like. I’m not predictable like it is. It resonates with me so fundamentally and so deeply that like that is the one thing. And I ended up writing way more than can probably fit within an Instagram comment. And then I got bit by the bug, which is like, do I, should I? Extend this to a platform that is more appropriate for long form writing. So then I’m like, okay, Erin, be realistic about starting projects that you don’t finish or won’t be consistent with. So for me, I’m defining that as one blog per month seems reasonable enough. I don’t know, but I really, I’m a writer. When we were part of the [00:33:00] Borg, you know, we were writers partially, and I found that writing alongside these stupid reels was really satisfying.

Exploring Blogging Platforms

Erin: So then I’m like, okay, what in 2026, what levers do I have to pull? For this type of platform. We got Ghost, we got Tumblr kind of making it a comeback. We’ve got Substack, which has shitty politics. Um, I could do something on my GitHub pages or something if I wanted to, but I. Don’t know. I don’t know how to make this decision.

This is, I, I’m just bringing this up as a topic. I don’t have anything further than that. I think you may have mentioned a platform that you like, but I just thought it might be interesting to talk about. Probably

Brett: No, there are, there are a lot of options. I personally. Have gone the way of static site [00:34:00] generators like GitHub pages would be, um, and will probably never go back to anything that’s based on a database or requires an online subscription. Um, I just pay a few bucks a month for a shared host and our sync, my blog to it, um, which is a super nerdy way to blog.

Um, but ultimately you get. A, a folder full of markdown files that you can do anything you want with, and you can turn it into a book. You could turn it into a searchable database in obsidian. Um, you could load it up in NB ultra and have full text, rapid search, and all these things that you can’t really do with something like WordPress or Ghost.

Um, WordPress is still the heavyweight. as much as it’s kind of a beast and I don’t enjoy using it, um, but ghost, [00:35:00] I just, so I’ll tell you why I bring this up in a second. But, um, ghost seems like maybe the best intermediate option. Um, I, I don’t like blogger. I don’t like Google. Um, I don’t have a lot of faith in Tumblr. be, uh, to have longevity. That’s the other thing about a static site is. I am in full control, and if I want to sunset it at any point, I just cancel the domain. But as long as I have a web server, I have a website, and I’m not dependent on any service that, you know, showed up and failed to make a profit and then terminated, as we’ve seen multiple platforms do, um, or, or turn into like a heavily paywall system that is geared like medium.

Substack where [00:36:00] ultimately it’s supposed to be a moneymaking endeavor for the writers and like I use my blog as a marketing tool, but I don’t expect a lot of people to pay to read my blog. That said, I am pay walling some content these days, um, just to get people to pitch in a few bucks a month because.

I never got into Patreon or anything, but I’m building this tool. This is a side note. Um, I showed you the icon for it the other day, but I didn’t show you the tool. Um, it’s called blog book. And right now it works perfectly with WordPress, but I, this morning I’ve been working on adding Micro blog, which is another good option.

Um, and it might, micro blog might actually be kind of, no, it’s not, it’s got like a 300 character limit for most posts. But, um, anyway, uh, [00:37:00] micro Blog and Ghost. I’m adding so that if you’ve had a blog for a couple years and you want some kind of hard copy. This app will pull in all of those posts, let you Filch them by author or by tag or category or a date range, and it’ll generate a markdown book for you.

And you can load that up in Mark three, and you can create an eub that you could go sell if you

Erin: Oh wow.

Brett: Um, you could turn it into like a PDF for distribution or just for your own archiving. Um. I may add more platforms to it over time. Medium killed their API. Um, so I can’t, as much as I would love to have it work for Medium, I think it would be really useful for medium authors.

Um, medium made that impossible, but, um, but yeah, I actually, I built that app in about a week and I’m gonna sell [00:38:00] it on the app store as kind of a companion to Mark three. Um, as like a one-time purchase, not a subscription. Um, but yeah, I, I love blogging and I love blogs. I’ve been blogging for 30 years and I, I don’t know what I would do for expression, ’cause I’m not, I, I, I use Mastodon and that’s about it for social media.

Um, I still have, uh, uh. Instagram account and I log on and I, I love seeing your, your older reels where you would just like, just fuck around with a cord or a simple progression and the face you would make when you messed up. I love that.

Erin: I’ve never messed up. I don’t know what you’re talking about.

Brett: I would watch just to see you make that like grossed out face. Like, what the fuck sound was that?

Um, um, [00:39:00] but. Yeah, I, social media is so ephemeral though. It’s, there’s no guarantee of your post being anything other than AI fodder and like, I left x, I left Twitter.

Erin: Everything app.

Brett: Yes. Um, completely deleted myself there. Um, deleted myself on threads. I still have a Facebook account. Um, Facebook and Blue Sky are actually surprisingly my political activity accounts.

Um, Facebook is where I complain about billionaire. Um, about Zuckerberg’s and the what not. Um, and it’s where I share with my activist friends in the area, like it’s mostly for local people. And then Blue Sky is where I get like all my anarchists. News and all of the news right now from like the [00:40:00] front in Minneapolis, the people that are out there doing direct action and, and uh, mutual aid and seeing things live as they happen.

And I never appreciated blue sky until the federal occupation of Minnesota and then suddenly it became my primary news source. Um, so

Erin: pretty good for that. There’s a, there’s a journalist I follow there. I think she’s pretty, like the, the, the trans beat is her beat. Erin Reed. Um, she’s really great. Um, but you’re, you’re all, all that to say, I think blue sky functions really well. Yeah. As like a, a new, like, I canceled, I canceled my New York Times subscription, um, because god damn,

Brett: Yeah.

Erin: just their opinion section alone is just trash.

Also, yesterday, um, you know, the time of this recording was, there was a protest in March yesterday, which very cool. I also. Canceled. The, [00:41:00] another, another dimension of that day was about, you know, anti consumption, not spending anything, not buying anything, and canceling subscriptions if you can. And yesterday I did cancel my prime subscription, which was hard to do.

But, you know, I did, I and I, I was thinking about this a couple months ago before moving, but I was like, you know, I’m gonna move. I’m only human. Like the two day shipping thing is going to come in handy for real. Like ordering things to the new apartment knowing that it’ll get there. You know, I’m glad I did that.

That’s cool. But like, now’s the time where I’m a little more settled and I can do that. And so I did that yesterday. Um, but anyways, blue sky’s cool for political stuff.

Brett: I. I have been trying to cut Amazon out. I removed Alexa from my life entirely. Um, I had it, Alexa is a good [00:42:00] cheap solution for like whole home automation. Um, so, but I replaced that with home pods and, um, I only buy from Amazon if I absolutely can’t find something somewhere else. Um, because these days, because of competition with Amazon, almost every vendor will offer free shipping.

Not always two day shipping ’cause they don’t have the infrastructure for that. Um, but, uh, but I’ll get free shipping and I’ll get comparable prices. And Prime doesn’t really save me anything anymore, and I never use Prime video and I’m

Erin: terrible streamer. It’s a terrible streamer.

Brett: I’m on the verge of canceling that as well, and once I do that, I will be mostly free of Amazon.

Erin: That rocks do. I think that’s really cool. I, I was thinking about this the other day too, that like canceling Amazon [00:43:00] has knock-on effects that I think are really positive as well. For example, you know, I’m lucky to live in a city where, you know, I have within walking distance to me a lot of options. So if I needed packing tape or I needed. I don’t know, some pilot G twos or whatever, like instead of for let’s say, let’s say it’s a project specific thing, like I need a certain type of pen or whatever. Instead of being like, I will order these, do the two two day shipping and put off that project for when I have that tool. Instead, which shifts the nature of the project.

Like on a project level, you’re thinking about differently already. And so instead, by not having the affordance to do that, I can get out of my house. That’s a good get sun. That’s another capital G. Good. See human beings interact with human beings, you [00:44:00] know, and then also do the project the same day and not give money.

To AWS, which is the backend for a bunch of evil shit. Like, it just like, you know, it stacks.

Brett: Yeah.

Erin: So, I don’t know.

Brett: Yeah. I don’t have options

Erin: It’s a lot. It’s a privilege at see above, like I’m very ocularly privileged.

Brett: Yeah, no, I, I mean, there are, there are some good. Stores in my little town. Um, we are, we are fortunate to have a community that will support some more esoteric type of stores. And I don’t shop at Target and I don’t shop at Walmart, so, um. I have to depend on the limited selection in small town stores, and a lot of times I can make due with what I can find locally.

Um, but I do have to [00:45:00] order. Online a lot, which is why it’s been a slow process to wean off of Amazon. But Amazon is shit now too. Like you, it seems like you have selection, but you really don’t. It’s just a bunch of vendors selling the same knockoff thing and, uh, you don’t save any money if you’re buying like an original version of a product that Amazon didn’t already like bastardize and undersell, um, or undercut the seller on.

Um, and it’s so much low quality and they tell you every time you buy Prime tells you you’ve saved $5 with Prime, but if you went to the actual vendor website, you would’ve saved that $5 anyway. Um, it’s shit. Amazon is shit, but yeah. So anyway, about, about, yeah.

Erin: Um, uh, go ahead.

Brett: I was gonna ask that we, we kind of trailed off on the blog discussion, but I just wanted to say [00:46:00] like, if you have questions about any platform or you do wanna do like a static site, I’m more than happy to help.

Erin: Thanks Brett. I think I was gonna, I might take you up on that I, another direction I was going to go with this is like, I could also see someone saying like, systems order thinking. Like, what is your goal? Like, who is this for? And that’s also where I have some internal resistance because I’m on the precipice of being a douchey content creator or something in which this fits in. being cute about it, but like this fits into an ecosystem of like maybe a new career pivot for me. ’cause we’re not part, part of the Borg. So like I’ve started teaching guitar, like I went to school for music. I used to teach guitar a lot, classical and jazz guitar, and I haven’t done it for like 15 years.

I just started doing that again and I can’t believe. [00:47:00] A couple things. How good I am at it. I’m a natural, like I, it sucks to be good at something, but you know, it, it doesn’t pay at all. So it’s like, um, so a couple things like do I want to start teaching again and do I want a blog to sort of be part of a funnel into a Patreon?

And do I want the Patreon and. All these questions, you know, start forming around this. Like, well, I just want a blog. It’s like, why, why do I wanna blog? And I, I don’t think I have to have the answers to those questions right now. I don’t. But it seems like the choices you make, the very, like the zero width choice you make for a tool like this is really important.

So that’s, that’s the other kind of. I’m having [00:48:00] internally about it, who cares? Like all the stakes. Ultimately, who, who gives a shit? Like, there are no stakes here. But I, I do think about it as a sort of like, you know,

The Decline of Blogging

Brett: I, I will say that everything about my career is due to blogging. Like since, since like the year 2000, um, every job I’ve gotten has been because people found me via my blog. Um, and when I have like applied for a job, they’ve used my, they’ve been like, oh, we went and read your blog and we think you’re a great candidate.

Erin: But don’t you think the excuse my use of this term, the meta around blogging has changed? Or do you think it’s like that stalwart

Brett: it, it, it really has like tremendously. Um,

Erin: like just to be crude about it. Okay.

Brett: Yeah. So like in, uh, maybe. [00:49:00] 2015, I was doing about a hundred thousand page views a week. Um, right now I’m down to more like, I think last time I checked I was doing like 8,000 page views a week. And if I look at the charts, it’s just been a steady downward trend.

Um, people are not you, pe so, okay. That said, I still get about 30,000. Hits a week from RSS, which means there’s, for a nerd, for a tech site, for a tech blog. Like there’s still an audience that uses the ancient technology, RSS, um, and I get a lot of traffic from that. But in general, like social media has eaten my lunch as far as blogging.

But that said, like, the only reason anyone knows who I am, and I’m not saying I’m famous, but like I, I

Erin: I’ve been to Max. [00:50:00] You you have an aura? Yeah.

Brett: and uh, it’s all because of 30 years of blogging. And I think, honestly think it takes like 10 years just to build up a name. So it’s not like a, oh, I’m gonna start a blog for my shop and everything’s gonna take off,

Erin: Yeah, I think, I think if you, for, for the employment alone, it might, it might be worth it, I think. I think that’s huge. Like, you know, the Borg or Pre Borg, a OL where, you know, like if, if, if they were like, oh my God, yeah, you’re Brett Terpstra from Brett TURPs. Uh, like that’s worth it even if you’re getting zero clicks and they found, you know,

Brett: What do you Nell from the movie Nell? Um, did you Did what? Oh. Did you give up on finding, uh, gainful employment?

Navigating Employment and Content Creation

Erin: no. But I give I [00:51:00] gainful employment. Um, no, but I’m taking it a little sleazy and I’m taking it a little easy. Um, unfortunately, it is a truth universally acknowledged. My version of every gainful employment that I’ve, that I’ve enjoyed is through blogging. My version of that is any. Job at that level that I’ve enjoyed has started with a dm.

It’s never started with a, a shot in the dark application through Workday. Like it’s just, and I’m convinced that that’s true for everyone. Like I suspect that’s maybe the dark truth that. The it, it’s not what you are or what you can do, it’s who you know, unfortunately is an organizing principle for anything in life basically.

And [00:52:00] being under someone’s employee is probably no different. So on one hand, the Puritan. Really creeps up on me here. On one hand, I’m like, oh, I’m not really spending a lot of time crafting my portfolio. I’m not really spending a lot of time crafting my resume and tailoring it to this position. I should really be doing that.

I, the economy is be, my bank accounts are really behooving me to do that. But on the other hand, I’m balancing it with that truth, which is. waiting for the dm. I’m sending dms. I can play that game if I want, and I’m kind of trying to, but only to get the guilt monkey off my back, not because I have good.

It’s a good faith bid for the universe, for some HR hiring manager, whatever, to be like, okay, I’m gonna Filch by this. I’m Filch by this. This is a cool candidate. It won. I’m convinced it won’t [00:53:00] happen like that. I could be wrong, and maybe that’s the case for you too, but like it’s more of a personal connection off of CRMs, know?

Brett: I, uh, I stopped panicking. My, my app income is sufficient right now to survive, and I’m working to make it more than just survival. And like over the, over the course of a few months, I sent out prob, probably 150 resumes, like shots, shots in the dark. But I had, I had referrals, multiple referrals from. AWS Google, apple, like meta, like I had people at all of these places and I still, I could barely get a response.

Um, I would apply for jobs I was wholly qualified for. I would,

Erin: Probably overqualified

Brett: I would craft the resume. I would take my time, and I wrote a different resume for each, at least [00:54:00] for the big ones. And, yeah. Yeah, I did it all. I had a whole, I had a whole workflow, an automated workflow where I could just write like in markdown and then hit a button.

It would generate like a nice PDF that I could

Erin: God damn right. Yeah.

Brett: Um, and none of it, it didn’t do any good. And eventually I just stopped wanting it. Um, I would much rather just make my own way at this point. I couldn’t. I can’t wrap my head around being in a corporate environment anymore. I just don’t, I don’t wanna play that game.

I want the money, I want the steady paycheck, but I just, I can’t play the game.

Erin: Is the game to you doing the like, um, dom sub theater of like, I must respect my manager. My manager knows the way, even if they’re wrong, I ch raise my, you know, objections lest I

Brett: know me, you know, I objected all the time. [00:55:00] I, I was full of objections and I, I don’t like, I don’t like the, I don’t like sitting in meetings. I don’t like pretending to care about someone else’s project.

Erin: That’s it. That feels wrong to you, I feel like. Is that right? Yeah.

Brett: Yeah.

Erin: Yeah. I’m happy to do that for

Brett: I’m not an employee. I can’t.

Erin: Yeah. I don’t identify as an employee. I heard someone say, I think around. Last year’s pride as a bit, um, that we need to add con a content creator, stripe and color to the L-G-B-T-Q-I-A flag. And when I said that, I repeated that as I just said to you, to someone, and they didn’t laugh. I was like, oh no. Why have I surrounded myself with your life? Go away from me anyways.

The Art of Dating and Bits

Erin: I was on a date the other day.

Brett: Yeah.

Erin: And, um,

Brett: Must be nice.[00:56:00]

Erin: date privilege. Yeah. Being single. Mm. Love it. And, um, you know, I’m very sensitive to people who don’t do bits. Uh, I have an allergy to like selfer people. And, and this woman who was in like so attractive, like so attractive did a power move where she was like, we, we met at a coffee shop.

And she was like, whatcha gonna get? I was like, oh, I’m gonna get a nice espresso. And when she went to order and I thought we were gonna do Dutch or whatever, she ordered her thing and then she was like, and a nice espresso as well. And I was like, oh, hot, cute. You harvested me for information and then used that as a power thing anyways, so that it was going well.

But then we started talking and I was like, oh, she’s not really picking, I’m giving her, it’s like some like B [00:57:00] plus material and she’s not really responding at all. And we were talking about, I find it helpful on dates to acknowledge that we’re on a date and that we met on a dating app. So one way that I did this on this date was to say like, I saw someone with this word in their profile.

What do you think it means? And the word was, or the phrase was, the desire was that they like to be corded, which I. I, I didn’t, I got into a sort of like debate with my other friend about what that means, what that means when someone puts that and they’re pan like, is that gendered, is that like a power thing?

Is that like a noble abl thing? Like what is that? So we started talking about what it means to be courted on a date and she said something like, you know, a part of it too is probably that they like to be whined and dined. And I was like, in 69. She gave me nothing. I was like, [00:58:00] oh no, I forget why I brought this up.

Um,

Brett: I forgot too. Um, I like, I like that you associated corded with noble abl just.

Erin: uh,

Brett: As like a matter of course there, um, maybe they wanna gesture.

Erin: oh, I think I brought it up because. I said that content creators deserve

Brett: Mm, right, right, right. The bits we’re talking about

Erin: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Um,

Wrapping Up and Final Thoughts

Brett: All right. Well, you gotta get going. I know we have like eight minutes.

Erin: ooh,

Brett: So we should give you some time to prep for whatever it is you’re cutting us short for. I’m not kidding. I’m just kidding. It’s like fif. We’re 58 minutes in. This is good.

This was a good episode. Thank you so much for coming.

Erin: I just did it ’cause I wanted to catch up with you to be

Brett: Yeah. I feel like this was good. This was good for that.

Erin: Yeah.

Brett: Yeah.

Erin: Thanks Brett.

Brett: Well, good luck with everything. [00:59:00] been fun.

Erin: Say the line.

Brett: Get some sleep.

Erin: Get some sleep. Brett, I.