Repairing Trust After Disappointment

Intimate attachments, workplace effectiveness, and stable social systems depend on our ability to rely on one another. Trust is the foundation of social exchanges and benefits, from affection to achievements. Erik Erikson mapped stages of human psychosocial development and found that establishing basic trust in the first 18 months of life was formative for later life.

Caring we can count on prepares us to go into the world with optimism and confidence, able to accept life’s uncertainties, manage anxiety, and tolerate ambiguity. Throughout life, relationships rest on being able to trust that the other is dependable, plays fair, and can safeguard our secrets and shortcomings. Trust does not make us naïve--it enables us to make commitments, attend to the world--and ourselves.

Here's the dream we analyze:

“My cousin and I were in a fast-food restaurant. There was a “bar” at the front where the workers worked behind the tills. We sat and ate the most disgusting food at the bar and watched the workers rush around. I thought to myself that this was a very unpleasant experience, watching people in a minimum wage job make disgusting food. Who would think to put stools at the checkout point? A man and his wife appeared on the stools beside us. He gave us a creepy smile then sneakily grabbed my cousin’s butt. She looked at me and whispered what just happened. I screamed at the man, saying something like, “Did you just sexually assault my cousin?!” Everyone in the restaurant looked at us. It felt threatening. He didn’t expect me to speak up. I threw my burger down, grabbed my cousin, and left. Something may have happened in between these scenes that I don’t remember, but my cousin and I ended up in a police car with two policemen. We told them what had happened in the fast-food restaurant and they asked for a description of the guy. We realized that the guy had followed us to the police car. The officers knew him and told us to stay in the car for safety. They drove us to a safe house which was a small, one-story, decrepit-looking building. Inside, the curtains were old, maybe from the 70s, and falling off the window. The place felt rotten and unpleasant. The cops said we’d be safe here. They were also staying here. I think they were in some sort of trouble. I looked out the window at the small garden, which reminded me a lot of my Nana’s back garden, which was surrounded by neighbors and a nice community.” 

 REFERENCES:

Erik Erikson. The Life Cycle Completed. https://www.amazon.com/dp/0393317722/ref=cm_sw_em_r_mt_dp_QGAGVQSDVVRDM7M1Q5MX?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1

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