Belonging vs. Over-Identification

We’re told to “bring our whole selves to work.” But what if that advice is burning you out, especially if you’re anxious, neurodivergent, or wired differently? In this episode, I’m joined by psychologist and author Dr. Tomas Chamorro-Premuzic to talk about why radical authenticity can actually harm your career, your relationships, and your energy. We dive into the difference between feeling authentic and being perceived as authentic, why emotional intelligence is really impression management in disguise, and how leaders who seem “real” are often the most curated of all. Tune in to rethink what authenticity really means and discover how to show up at work in a way that’s true to you and sustainable.

Check out our sponsors:

Northwest Registered Agent - Protect your privacy, build your brand and get your complete business identity in just 10 clicks and 10 minutes! Visit https://www.northwestregisteredagent.com/achieverfree

Shopify - Sign up for a $1 per month trial, just go to http://shopify.com/anxiousachiever

Cozy Earth - Give your home the luxury it deserves. Head to http://cozyearth.com and use code ACHIEVER for up to 20% off.

Express VPN - Secure your online data today. Visit http://expressvpn.com/achiever and find out how you can get up to four extra months.

Talkiatry - Head to http://talkiaitry.com/achiever and complete the short assessment to get matched with an in network psychiatrist in just a few minutes.

Working Genius - Take the working genius assessment today and get 20% off with code ACHIEVER at working http://genius.com

In this Episode, You Will Learn

00:00 Should you ever be your whole self at work?

04:00 Why “just be yourself” is bad career advice.

07:15 What’s the difference between feeling authentic and being seen as authentic?

09:45 How over-identifying with work fuels burnout.

12:15 Why the leaders we trust most are often the most curated.

14:15 What impression management really means.

16:45 Why every role calls for a different version of you.

19:00 The cost of “bring your whole self” for neurodivergent people.

22:00 Where does the authenticity movement come from?

25:15 How modern work became a soft cult.

29:00 Can you belong without over-sharing?

33:45 Why engagement and performance aren’t the same thing.

36:15 The generational shift toward radical honesty.

39:00 When does being “real” harm your team?

42:15 The rules that actually create psychological safety.

44:30 Why reputation matters more than intention.

47:00 How to learn how you’re really seen.

50:00 The truest definition of self-awareness.

Resources + Links

Get Dr. Tomas Chamorro-Premuzic’s book Don’t Be Yourself

Learn more about Tomas’s work on leadership, personality, and potential HERE

Get a copy of my book - The Anxious Achiever

Watch the podcast on YouTube 

Find more resources on our website morraam.com

Follow

Follow me: on LinkedIn @morraaronsmele + Instagram @morraam

Follow Tomas on LinkedIn @drtomaschamorro