The Problem With Trying to Feel Better: Dr Julie Smith
The Problem With...
Carrying vs pushing away difficult feelings
Julie presents a therapy metaphor: carry unpleasant feelings instead of pushing them away to reduce disruption.
Dr Julie Smith joins James Smith for a wide-ranging conversation on the psychology of emotion, mental health, and what it really means to feel better. A clinical psychologist and international bestselling author, Dr Smith dismantles the idea that difficult emotions are problems to be solved and challenges James on everything from catastrophising and shame-based motivation to the surprising emotional cost of success.
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James opens up about his experience of lockdown, being cut off from Australia, the relief (not happiness) of hitting major milestones, and why he uses financial goals as a psychological permission slip to keep overworking.
She explains:
◼️ Why wanting to feel better is sometimes part of the problem
◼️ How to recognise when distress is situational vs something deeper
◼️ The double standard we apply to ourselves vs others
◼️ Why self-compassion isn't weakness (it's the harder skill)
◼️ What status loss does to mental health and identity
Chapters:
00:00 The Problem With Trying to Feel Better
04:20 When Anxiety Means You're a Good Parent
07:23 Is Low Mood Situational or Something Deeper?
12:10 When Should You Actually Get Therapy?
13:52 James Being Locked Out of Australia
15:36 Not Feeling Like You Qualify for Help
17:34 The Workaholics Trap and Honest Feedback
18:45 Psychedelic-Assisted Therapy — Where Does Dr Smith Stand?
20:23 James's LSD Day in the Park
21:49 The Periodic Table of Emotions
27:12 Vulnerability, Fatherhood and Opening Up
29:08 Redefining Success Beyond the Metrics
32:26 Giving Good Advice You Don't Take Yourself
34:49 Severance and the Work-Life Split
38:07 The Hidden Cost of Living a Very Public Life
41:24 When Followers Tell You You've Saved Their Life
44:28 How a Relationship Changed James's Relationship With Work
45:13 Status, Mental Health and the Fear of Losing It
53:01 The Double Standard We Have for Ourselves
55:42 Using Financial Goals as a Coping Mechanism
57:28 Catastrophising as Motivation
01:00:04 Why Every Goal Feels Empty After You Hit It
01:02:51 Fear of Success vs Fear of Failure
01:08:30 The Journey Is the Point — Not Just the Outcome
01:09:18 Sneak Peek: Dr Smith's New Book
01:10:21 Generational Amnesia and the Young People of Today
01:15:08 Closing Takeaways: What Actually Helps
This conversation takes a candid look at the psychology behind overwork, the emotional emptiness that can follow achievement, and the courage required to actually let people in. Dr Smith's clinical perspective on self-compassion, attachment, and the standards we hold ourselves to offers a grounding counterweight to James's trademark candour — and the result is one of the most honest conversations on mental health the podcast has produced.
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