The No Book: why learning to say no matters

This episode is a bit different, and I am in the hot seat. Dan Harris (@danharris) interviewed me for his show, the 10% Happier with Dan Harris podcast, and I thought it was worth sharing here. Dan is a wonderful interviewer, and we got in the zone. He is also the bestselling author of 10% Happier and Meditation for Fidgety Skeptics: A 10% Happier How-To Book.

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Timestamps:

• [00:00:00] Start.
• [00:02:16] The simple social secret that has me feeling better than self-help and isolation ever did.
• [00:05:55] 70–80% depression remission with accelerated TMS and the SAINT Protocol.
• [00:10:14] One day of TMS + an old tuberculosis antibiotic flipped the OCD switch to near-zero.
• [00:14:10] The pros and cons of TMS accessibility for all.
• [00:18:09] Dan’s parallel confession: The “desertification” of social life under workaholism.
• [00:22:10] “It’s the relationships, stupid.” Evolutionary biology meets self-improvement.
• [00:26:51] What you’re optimizing for should come before how.
• [00:28:33] Health optimization made personal.
• [00:31:12] Intermittent fasting: Just changing when I eat has been the single biggest needle-mover for my bloodwork.
• [00:32:54] Working with your doctors: Replicate tests, respect diurnal cycles, and resist the four-drug opening salvo.
• [00:37:17] AI as health co-pilot: Use LLMs for medical literacy and contraindication checks — but always fact-check one tool with another.
• [00:41:48] Full-body MRIs: Over 40, you will find something. But Dan’s wife (a doctor) says skip ’em — and Rumi might have agreed with her.
• [00:45:22] How my actual daily life compares to a poorly programmed Roomba.
• [00:47:30] Jerry Seinfeld’s grand unified life theory: Lift weights and do TM. That’s pretty much it.
• [00:51:28] The No Book: 800 pages, six years deep, co-written with Neil Strauss — because even the most accomplished people can’t say no.
• [00:55:25] “I can’t do the life Tetris.” Martha Beck’s masterclass in declining without defending.
• [00:59:04] Rocks, gravel, and sand: How to protect your life-changing commitments from death by a thousand small distractions.
• [01:04:50] Three years without social media on my phone, fear-setting as clarity, and two hours of daily focus as the new top 1%.
• [01:08:46] Coyote: My card game with Exploding Kittens, and why I only choose projects that let me win even if they fail.
• [01:13:05] Parting thoughts.

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