When to Let Go and Grieve a Dream

New Year’s resolutions promise hope, but for many people, they quietly deliver shame, stress, and self-blame instead. If resolutions leave you feeling worse about yourself every January, this episode explains why — and what actually works.

Host Gabe Howard is joined by returning favorite Jodi Wellman to unpack why traditional goal-setting often backfires, especially when it comes to mental health. They explore the psychology behind the “fresh start effect,” how all-or-nothing thinking sets us up to fail, and why massive lifestyle overhauls rarely stick. More importantly, they offer practical, compassionate alternatives; Like shifting from rigid goals to identity-based habits, process-focused wins, and restarting without guilt when things go off track.

Listener Takeaways

• The mental health cost of setting outcome-based goals
• Why smaller, process-focused goals actually create lasting change
• How to restart a goal without guilt or self-punishment

Whether you’ve already ditched your New Year’s resolutions or never believed in them to begin with, this episode explores a healthier, more realistic way to create change—without harming your mental well-being.

“What is really common, which is set a goal. Don't get there. Feel bad about it. So net net it's not a good experience. For many of us, that's problematic because we feel badly about ourselves [. . .] And maybe that's your version of self-compassion is to let that goal gracefully go.” ~Jodi Wellman, MAPP

Our guest, Jodi Wellman, MAPP is a speaker, author, and facilitator on living lives worth living. She founded Four Thousand Mondays to help people make the most of the time they are lucky to be above ground. 

With 25 years of corporate leadership experience (most recently as Senior Vice President of Operations at a leading health and lifestyle organization), Jodi has led private CEO advisory boards and coaches teams to work well and live even better.

Jodi has a Master’s of Applied Positive Psychology from the University of Pennsylvania, where she is also an Assistant Instructor and facilitator in the Penn Resilience Program. She is an ICF Professional Certified Coach.

Her book, "You Only Die Once: How to Make It to the End with No Regrets," made Adam Grant’s Summer Reading List and was a “Top 3 Psychology Book of 2024” by the Next Big Idea Club (curated by Malcolm Gladwell, Susan Cain, Adam Grant, and Dan Pink). Jodi has been featured in The New York Times, Oprah Daily, Fast Company, CNBC, Forbes, Psychology Today, The Los Angeles Times, and more. Jodi’s TEDx talk is called How Death Can Bring You Back to Life; with over 1.3 million views, it is the 14th most-watched TEDx talk released in 2022, out of 15,900!

Our host, Gabe Howard, is an award-winning writer and speaker who lives with bipolar disorder. He is the author of the popular book, "Mental Illness is an Asshole and other Observations," available from Amazon; signed copies are also available directly from the author. Gabe is also the host of the "Inside Bipolar" podcast with Dr. Nicole Washington.

Gabe makes his home in the suburbs of Columbus, Ohio. He lives with his supportive wife, Kendall, and a Miniature Schnauzer dog that he never wanted, but now can’t imagine life without. To book Gabe for your next event or learn more about him, please visit gabehoward.com.

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