Timing boundaries and limits

In this episode of It's All Your Fault, host Megan Hunter interviews Amanda Smith, LCSW, about her groundbreaking new book on self-compassion and Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) skills for people who have borderline personality disorder traits. The discussion explores how incorporating self-compassion into treatment can enhance recovery and improve outcomes.

Understanding Self-Compassion in BPD Treatment
The conversation delves into how self-compassion serves as a vital but often overlooked component in treating borderline personality disorder traits. Amanda Smith draws on 19 years of clinical experience to explain why traditional confrontational approaches often backfire, while self-compassion can help reduce self-destructive behaviors and improve emotional regulation.

Research shows that increased self-compassion correlates with better mental health outcomes, healthier relationships, and reduced anxiety and depression. This episode examines how these findings specifically apply to people working to manage borderline personality disorder traits.

Questions We Answer in This Episode

• How has treatment for borderline personality disorder evolved over the past 20 years?
• What role does self-compassion play in DBT skills training?
• How can family members support loved ones who cannot access immediate treatment?
• When should boundaries and limits be introduced in treatment?
• How does self-compassion affect recovery outcomes?

Key Takeaways

• Self-compassion can serve as a replacement skill for self-destructive behaviors
• DBT skills can be learned and practiced by family members to support loved ones
• Treatment approaches work best when starting with validation before introducing structure
• Recovery is possible with appropriate evidence-based treatment
• Early intervention, even before age 18, can be beneficial when approached appropriately

The episode provides hope and practical guidance for anyone impacted by borderline personality disorder traits, while highlighting the importance of combining clinical skill development with self-compassion practices. Listeners will gain insights into both professional and personal approaches to supporting recovery.

Additional Resources

Watch this episode on YouTube!

Expert Publications by Amanda L. Smith

• The Self-Compassion Workbook for BPD
• The Dialectical Behavior Therapy Wellness Planner: 365 Days of Healthy Living for Your Body, Mind, and Spirit
• The Borderline Personality Disorder Wellness Planner for Families: 52 Weeks of Hope, Inspiration, and Mindful Ideas for Greater Peace and Happiness

Expert Publications

• SLIC Solutions for Conflict: Setting Limits & Imposing Consequences in 2 1/2 Steps

Professional & Personal Development

• Amanda Smith’s Family DBT course
• HCI’s courses:
  • Conflict Influencer® - for co-parents (new classes starting January 2026)
  • Conflict Influencer® - for famlies (new classes starting January 2026)
  • High-Conflict Law Certification - for legal professionals

Connect With Us

• Visit High Conflict Institute: highconflictinstitute.com
• Submit questions for Bill and Megan
• Browse our complete collection of books and resources in our online store—available in print and e-book formats
• Find these show notes and all past episode notes on our website

Important Notice

Our discussions focus on behavioral patterns rather than diagnoses. For specific legal or therapeutic guidance, please consult qualified professionals in your area.

• (00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault
• (00:46) - Meet Amanda Smith
• (03:34) - Creating a Life Worth Living
• (06:03) - Progression Over Time
• (09:45) - Other Terms
• (11:54) - Lack of Awareness
• (13:30) - Addressing with DBT
• (14:50) - Exceptions and Causes
• (16:11) - Giving Hope
• (17:55) - Age Groups
• (19:51) - When They Can’t Get Into Treatment
• (24:37) - Boundaries and Limits
• (28:32) - Amanda’s New Book
• (31:57) - Compassion for Self
• (37:11) - Trying the Opposite
• (41:59) - The Book
• (43:32) - Wrap Up