Negotiation Starts with Yourself

For a lot of people, the idea of negotiating feels uncomfortable—something to avoid if possible. It can feel confrontational, awkward, or even risky. But what if negotiating didn’t have to be that way? What if it wasn’t about pushing harder or being more aggressive—but simply about asking better questions?

It turns out that the most effective negotiators don’t rely on pressure or persuasion nearly as much as you might think. Instead, they guide conversations in a way that uncovers what really matters to the other person—and to themselves. And that shift can completely change the outcome.

Alexandra Carter, Clinical Professor of Law and Director of the Mediation Clinic at Columbia Law School, has spent years teaching people how to negotiate more effectively. In her book Ask for More: 10 Questions to Negotiate Anything (https://amzn.to/2T6WaY8), she outlines a simple but powerful framework built around asking the right questions at the right time.

In our conversation, she explains how this approach works, why it’s often more effective than traditional negotiating tactics, and how you can use it in everyday situations—from work conversations to personal decisions—without feeling uncomfortable or confrontational.

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