First Feelings and Confusion

In this powerful and deeply personal episode, we sit down with David Archuleta to discuss his new memoir, Devout: Losing My Faith to Find Myself. David opens up about his life inside of Mormonism, his rise to fame on American Idol, his mission, his relationship with Church leaders, and the long, painful journey toward self-acceptance as a gay man.

This conversation goes far beyond headlines. David walks us through the internalized shame, religious scrupulosity, and obsessive righteousness that shaped his childhood and young adulthood. He reflects on the messages he received about masculinity, sexuality, and obedience –and how those teachings distorted his understanding of intimacy, trust, and self-worth.

We explore David’s experiences with Mormon apostles, including M. Russell Ballard, the November 2015 Policy, and the unsettling realization that Church leaders often spoke with certainty despite privately admitting they had no answers. David shares what it was like to be counseled to marry a woman, to suppress his identity, and to believe his faith could “heal” him –while quietly spiraling toward despair.

This episode also addresses growing up in a Mormon bubble, religious OCD, messages about LGBTQ people, chastity and sin, fame and unpaid church services, leaving the church and reclaiming agency and what happiness and God look like for him now.

David speaks with extraordinary honest, vulnerability, and compassion –not just for himself, but for the countless LGBTQ people still navigating high-demand religions.

Order his book here.

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Show Notes

At Mormon Stories we explore, celebrate, and challenge Mormon culture through in-depth stories told by members and former members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints as well as scholars, authors, LDS apologists, and other professionals.  

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