Stellar X - 4. Mark Mathews - Life Beyond Fear
The Shaun McCambridge Podcast
The Only Way Through Fear Is Experience
Mark summarizes literature and asserts voluntary repeated exposure is the primary method to overcome fear.
2.57 - "I feel fear exactly the same way everyone else does, if not, even more than that"
9.44 - The crazy thing about fear, it is kind of fascinating but also really frustrating.
Doesn't matter what your fear is, or how it compares to anyone else's fear, we all have different fears"
"We see different situations differently."
11.10 - "The only thing that really matters is if just one of your fears is in the way of something that’s important to you"
i.e., Fear of rejection holding you back from a relationship
Fear of sacrifice or pain holding you back
12.47 - The only way through fear, is experience, that is the only way. Do something over and over, and build up the skills and knowledge. Walk into that environment that causes you to fear"
14.30 - Voluntary Therapy
The patient has to choose to be there and choose to take on that fear
18.10 - Do it over and over again.
Respond to the different urges.
But It's tough.
18.40 - The starting point is to want it more than you fear it. Or hold on to what you have got more than the fear. To do that you have to continually evolve.
19.15 - WHAT WHY WHO? Ask yourself them continuously.
What does success look like?
Why do I want to succeed
Who is going to help me get there?
21:19 - Have a clear and detailed look at what success looks like across different aspects of your life and different time scales. The more clear and detailed the different things, the better.
Then you reinforce the picture of success with why you want it.
22.10 - Tie your loved ones to your success, how do they benefit from your success?
How do they benefit from the risks you take and the fears you face?
Helps make the switch from prey to hunter.
22.35 - The orienting reflex - in a roundabout way, this one reflective mechanism, 80% of your brain's ability to create positive emotion.
Keeps you motivated and resilient.
Subconsciously throughout your day, it's looking for progression to something to something beneficial.
If you are not clear on what you want, your picture isn't clear, and that part of your brain won't be receiving and won't feel that positive emotion. If not it will find it in the simple things like vices, you can keep them in check if you are getting positive emotions from something beneficial.
28.10 - Surround yourself with an amazing team.
38.00 - What other people would give to only be dealing with what you are dealing with. This is all I have got to deal with, how lucky am I?
40.10 - Science of Gratitude
"If you can cultivate a state of gratitude and feel that, it switches your nervous system from a state of stress/fear to a parasympathetic state, and in that state, systems are optimised, in particular your immune system."
Feel gratitude as consistently as you can each day.
42.19 - Habit Stacking
- Taking a lifestyle habit and stacking on to a primary habit.
- Primary habits – things you do consistently day in and day out (autopilot), time there you can do something positive.
- For all the things you do consistently, the theory is your brain does it in auto mode, so there is space in your brain to add something new. Such a strong pathway in those habitual patterns so your brain takes the new thing and hijacks it, to help you adapt to the new habit quicker.
- Force yourself to write it, forces you to think about it, and if you think about it long enough it becomes a habit.
44.15 - Gratitude Text
The best technique that helped Mark was this, just simply sending a message of gratitude to someone in your life.
The wave of gratitude moves through your social circles and it becomes normal to send messages like this.
48.00 - Gratitude Practice gives your nervous system a break during the day, these breaks make all the difference.
53.00 - We all have different fears, all that matters is if it's holding you back from something important in your life. If you want to take them on, experience is the only way to do it. Little step by little step, and you may experience failure but that is why you need that motivation and clarity as to what you want in life. Clear pictures of what you want and why and it will help make you resilient at the same time.
54.10 - When you hit the road bumps try and shift your mindset to a state of gratitude, it won't solve your problem but it gives you enough physical energy to do what you need to do to get through the adversity.
55.00 - Q &A
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