Tolerance and emotional capacity

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The "Living with Heart" Podcast is brought to you by Chip Dodd Resources (www.chipdodd.com) and The Voice of the Heart Center (vothcenter.com). You can connect with Dr. Chip Dodd at chip@chipdodd.com. Contact Bryan Barley for coaching at bryan@vothcenter.com. 

Primary Need to Belong and Matter

A woman and a man each have the same need to belong and matter. 

Each person is equally responsible for affirming the need to belong and matter of the other person.

Belonging and Mattering differ for a Woman and a Man 

Their need to belong and matter is met in different ways.

A woman’s need to belong and matter is primarily met through security.

A man’s need to belong and matter is primarily met through appreciation.

A Woman Needs to Feel Secure in order to Appreciate a Man

While each person is equally responsible, the man’s initiation of security is crucial to create a healthy relationship. For the man to experience appreciation, the woman must first experience security.

Feeling Chosen Creates Security in a Woman

The woman’s primary security need is met through knowing, feeling, and having faith in experiencing herself as chosen. She is chosen above all other women. 

She has confidence in knowing it, feeling it, and having faith in the future related to it. 

To be chosen is to know that she has:

• A Redeemer: a man who can relate to her, grasp her needs, desire the full expression of how God created her, and treat her with gentleness, availability, and vulnerability. Episode #64  
• A Protector: a man who can create a place of safety and stability that is based on her trust in his integrity, allowing her to focus on being able to love without fear or demand. 
• A Provider: a man who can provide for her the necessities that quell the fear of her essential needs not being attended to.

This order is very important:

• It establishes a foundation of what a woman needs most.  
• It expresses a man’s trustworthiness, his capability of relational intimacy, and his integrity.
• He is known as one who “says what he means and means what he says,” with an inner-focus on bringing his best to who he loves.
• He has a sense of his own dignity and self-respect.

This description is not about perfection; it is about growth and focus for a man. He cannot be more than perfectly imperfect. He can, though, live inspired to be the man God created him to be, by remaining dependent on God, and by relying on “growth-aid” from other men. 

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