Conscience: internalized relational rules

Guilt can feel uncomfortable and easy to push away, but it is one of those emotions that actually serves an important purpose in our lives.

For this episode, Debbie sits down with developmental psychologist Chris Moore, author of The Power of Guilt, to unpack what guilt really is and why it plays such an important role in our lives and relationships. Informed by both research and personal experience, Chris offers a perspective that might completely change how you see this emotion.

You’ll come away with an understanding of where guilt comes from, how it shows up in everyday life, from childhood to parenting to relationships, and why some people feel it more than others. 

They also get into topics like apology, forgiveness, and how guilt can actually help us repair and strengthen connections. 

Listen and Learn: 

• How a single life-altering mistake shaped how Chris understands guilt, responsibility, and forgiveness
• How guilt quietly reveals the hidden ways our most important relationships shape what we feel and why we’re driven to repair something we might not fully understand yet
• Does the guilt you feel over small things like unfinished chores reveal deeper, hidden influences from the relationships that shaped your internal rules and standards?
• Why feelings like guilt begin much earlier than we assume and later grow into something far more complex and central to relationships
• Why some people feel guilt far more intensely than others, and how personality, relationships, and even gender differences quietly shape that experience in ways you might not expect
• Why feeling like you are never doing enough as a parent might actually come from the very nature of caring for someone vulnerable, and what that reveals about guilt being more automatic than accurate
• How guilt can quietly become a tool of control when forgiveness is withheld
• How ideas like restorative justice and even collective guilt reshape the way we understand responsibility and emotional repair in society
• Why guilt, though uncomfortable, can actually serve as a powerful internal signal that helps us recognize when a valued relationship may need attention and guide us toward repairing and strengthening it

Resources:

• The Power of Guilt: Why We Feel It and Its Surprising Ability to Heal

https://bookshop.org/a/30734/9781637747728

• Chris’ Website: https://www.chrislmoore.com
• Connect with Chris on Social Media:
• https://www.facebook.com/mfwguilt
• https://www.instagram.com/chrismooreauthorphd/

About Chris Moore

Dr. Chris Moore is a professor of psychology and former dean of science at Dalhousie University in Canada, as well as a former Canada Research Chair at the University of Toronto. He holds a PhD in developmental psychology from the University of Cambridge and an MFA in creative nonfiction from the University of King’s College. He has spent his career studying human social understanding and relations, and has published well over 100 research papers, edited 5 books and special issues of academic journals, and authored The Development of Commonsense Psychology (Psychology Press, 2006). He has had numerous invitations to present at academic conferences and universities around the world and has enjoyed many research collaborations in Canada, the United States, Australia, Germany, China, and the UK. Moore’s work has been cited in mainstream print publications such as Psychology Today, Today’s Parent, and the New York Times. His research has also been featured in a variety of TV documentaries, including The Nature of Things and the Baby Human series on Discovery Health. His new book, The Power of Guilt: Why We Feel It and Its Surprising Ability to Heal, is his first for a general audience. He lives in Nova Scotia with his family.

Related episodes: 

• 430. Nonadaptive Guilt and Shame with Carolyn Allard 
• 118. Moral Injury and Shame with Lauren Borges and Jacob Farnsworth 
• 320. Anger and Forgiveness with Robyn Walser 
• 358. How to Keep House While Drowning with KC Davis 
• 341. Self-Forgiveness with Grant Dewar 

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