Top marital conflicts: money, values, time

There are so many emotional and financial aspects to retirement. Navigating the transition to retirement can be extremely challenging. These challenges are compounded when planning for two within a marriage. This episode is about preparing for the transition to retirement when the retiree is married.

Sam is joined by his brother, Nate Martinez who is a licensed family and marriage counselor. Nate is married and has three kids. Sam and Nate explore the complexities of transitioning to retirement within a marriage. Nate also shares three tips to navigate this transition.

Episode Highlights:

[04:03] Nate's primary focus is marriage. He has level one training in The Gottman Method.

[05:29] Common contention points in marriage include finances in different understandings and meanings of what money is. If each individual's definition of money isn't communicated well, conflict often develops.

[06:12] Values can also be a point of conflict. How time is spent can be another issue.

[07:01] Often the root of financial issues lies in not communicating well. We need to communicate expectations and what we understand money to be.

[08:24] The go and the whoa.

[09:42] There needs to be transparency when one spouse is the one doing the finances.

[11:44] The psychological effects of change in transition. The five stages to change include pre-contemplation, contemplation, preparation, action, and maintaining it.

[13:37] Change is hard, because it creates fear and anxiety.

[14:45] One of the hardest things about retirement is staying retired. A lot of value and meaning is wrapped up in our work.

[16:22] A lot of people's identities are wrapped up in their work and their work relationships.

[17:42] It's always helpful to get professional help for any transition. One of the best things to do is figure out how to communicate with each other through the transition. There needs to be appropriate speaker and listener communication.

[19:01] When the listeners summarize what they're hearing, it shows that they're hearing what the listener would like for them to hear.

[20:04] Have good self-awareness. If there's criticism, defensiveness, contempt, and stonewalling during a transition, things won't go well.

[21:20] There are perpetual problems and solvable problems. Most problems in relationships are perpetual. These are differences in personalities, identities, or values.

[22:46] Perpetual problems can lead to gridlock. Compromising is one solution. Find the coordinate and try to be flexible.

[23:29] Communicate what you want in retirement. Be self-aware and understand how you'll react if your expectations aren't met. Identify whether you're dealing with a perpetual or solvable problem. Be good speakers and good listeners.

[24:36] Get a financial plan together when you're preparing for retirement. Talk through what you would like retirement to look like for you and your spouse.

[25:24] Don't wait for retirement to do what you would like to do.

Certified Financial Planner Board of Standards, Inc. (CFP Board) owns the CFP® certification mark, the CERTIFIED FINANCIAL PLANNER™ certification mark, and the CFP® certification mark (with plaque design) logo in the United States, which it authorizes use of by individuals who successfully complete CFP Board's initial and ongoing certification requirements.

Resources & Links Related to this Episode

• Wealthquest Get Started

• Living a Rich Life: The No-Regrets Guide to Building and Spending Wealth

• "Unretiring": Why Recent Retirees Want to Go Back to Work